3 Things Your Husband Wants to Tell You

While you may not buy into the idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, when it comes to communication, men and women do express themselves in different ways. “For women, the purpose of communication is most often to relate; for men, it’s usually to share information,” So while it may seem to you that he disregards your feelings, he might be wishing like crazy you would just tell him what you want. Read on to learn seven things your husband wants to tell you.

1. I’m more likely to offer you concrete advice than a shoulder to cry on.

When you come home from work and start complaining to your husband about your demanding boss, to him it sounds like you’re asking for help—even if all you want is a sympathetic ear. Dave* encounters this often: “The other day my wife was venting about a problem. Every time I came up with a solution or suggestion she would interrupt and dismiss it. She thinks I’m telling her what to do, or implying that she can’t think of solutions on her own.” Know that when he gives you advice for handling that bad boss or overbearing sister-in-law, “that’s how he shows that he cares,” Try not to confuse his advice with criticism, but don’t be shy about telling him, “You know, I’ve tried that, too. I think what I really need now is to just vent!”

2. Tell me directly what’s bothering you.

Since human beings lived in caves, men have probably sat around bewildered by their mates’ fluctuating moods, wondering why she won’t just say, “I’m pissed off at you because...” instead of, “I’m fine” through clenched teeth. The thing is, he knows there’s something wrong, thanks to the exaggerated sighing and stomping around. “You may think you’re not communicating, but you are. What you feel is being transmitted,” says Creager, just not in a healthy way. The key is to express it directly––“I’m upset that you came home and went straight to the computer”––rather than being passive-aggressive.

3. I wish you wanted sex more.

You may be thinking that your hubby always wants sex, but what you don’t understand is that by rejecting him you’re making him wonder what he’s doing wrong. “Many men think, ‘I must not be so good at it,’ It’s not just about his needs; it’s also about pleasing you. “Both men and women want to feel intimate with each other, and what women need to understand is that men often derive intimacy from sex––whereas oftentimes women need intimacy in order to have sex. So talk about what you both really want, and find compromises that work for you," she adds. And if you are in the mood? Act on it! He'll not only love that you initiated it, but also appreciate feeling desired by you.

*These names have been changed.